Dedicated to my “Good Friends”

A Blogging offensive attack? well… it seems so, sorry for blogging another entry today… but this is damnly important – can’t sleep without puking this out.
So this is post is merely bout me and my weird surroundings, so i’ll put a “read more” link here:

Thanks for reading further

Okies, today, there was the last straw it needed to let me kinda explode. I always thought, that the people surrounding me, “my friends”, are people who respect and like me. And i thought that my birthday proved, that there really are people who like me, and they aren’t less.. thanks again to everyone who came.
But today, i had to realise, that i’m just kinda the easy-target for everyone to make them flag them as better. i just realised, that everyone needs a being, that’s less worth, so can satisfie themselves. and i just seem to be one of these lower beings for others.
Those, my friends, always just give me subliminal side blows, which make me look dumb. And usually, i’m – as i already said once – a goodmood person, so i’m always open to take these attacks with fun and sometimes i even admit goofs i did, so the others can lough – gosh i’m so used to that, and you know, i really wouldn’t care – but there’s nothing coming back. if i ever say just one tiny thing, then it becomes like “aahh you’re evil blaah” or if i react, than i’m suddenly weird and acting emotional not rational and all that.
And the worst thing is, these people don’t even read my blog. so i can damnly describe them all and if they read it, they would know i would talk about them, if they were friends, they would know.
First, there is a guy who needs me to verify he’s cool – cuz he know, he’s for sure cooler than me, so he thinks i adore him for his coolness… well, cool people need that.
second, there’s a guy who’s repeating i’m a weirdo who’s saying stupid stuff every now and then, and well, as i said, i admit, sometimes there’s stupid stuff i say. but today, we talked, and i was telling him, that the word “girlfriend” in english common language also has the meaning of “just a female friend” and not just in the sexual/love aspect. And then, he just tried to master me, as he usual does, by trying to convince me i’m wrong. usually, i don’t know if i’m really wrong, but today i knew i’m not wrong, so i could feel, what he is really about. having power about me, being sure there’s someone who’s got less knowledg than him.
third, there’s a guy who sais, i’m stupid by having a blog, stupid by being emotional, stupid by having an almost empty fridge, stupid stupid stupid stupid. he also sais, i have no experience of life and i’m naive. BUT WHO THE FUCK GOT CHEATED BY HIS DAMN CHINESE GIRLFRIEND EVERY MONTH AND STILL SENDS HER DAMN MONEY IN HER FUCKIN’ ASS? who’s the damn naive one?
fourth, number four of my list is dedicated to everyone who’s saying that i’m stupid because i’m using a macintosh computer. i mean, that’s the most easy thing, isn’t it? and the worst thing is, if i admit or tell others about failures or goofs within’ Mac OS X, they hack infinitely on these mistakes with stuff like: haha you see, mac’s not that great anyways. or i told you not to buy this crap. or i said mac’s dumb stuff… gosh damn i never said it’s perfect – but have you ever wondered, why i’m just talking about problems once a year, while windowsusers just got used to the daily work of clicking away errors.

Am i overreacting?… well… NO not at all. If anyone of you people read it, which i really doubt, comment it… but even if i sent you the link, you wouldn’t read it!
So why am i not overreacting??? because i take this since school, since i was ten or eleven years old. I’ve always been the stupid uncool outsider.

And i’ll tell you…
… i’m uncool. i’m a weirdo. i’m strange. i’m far-away in space. i’m a sociophobic. i’m complex. i’m hard to handle. i have weird, uncommon way to see the world. And i’m far away from being normal…

But, i am not stupid. And from now on, i will no longer accept people trying to flag me as stupid and dumb if they don’t have proven reasons. And if you want to come up with telling me i’m stupid because of the tons of writing mistakes, or because i use the not existing word “damnly” – think about the fact, that not the deep knowledge of one topic is important. It’s the important knowledge, that’s important. and as long as i can put myself into words, even if they’re not existing (but understandable) – i’m not stupid. what’s the need of correct written words, if you’re not able to write a sentence?

maybe people believe i’m arrogant and their subconcious tells them to kick me down the horse? But hey, i’ve never been on a high horse. I always sold myself as less than i was. and i will go on like that. but i will no longer let myself called stupid.

Who’s still surprised about my sabbatical plans now?

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Thanks to everyone who read until here.
A Blogentry like this wasn’t complete without thanking to the other people who aren’t like these upper ones. There aren’t just a few, i have some friends who tell me they read my blog, and who don’t attack me to feel better. but sometimes i need to watch of myself, so i’m not attacking them. so first, i want to say sorry for every sideblow i ever given anyone of you.
And now, here i want to say thanks to Tal, Jon, Wedda and Dreamy.
Tal and Jon, i really want to thank you both for telling me that often, that i’m not stupid, that i’m more smart than i always think. Thanks for trying to keep me up. You both have been with me so long time, you seem to have such a great picture of me, without even seeing me once. and that’s so great, i wouldn’t know what i’d do without you.
Wedda, you know you’re doing sideblows as well, but i know, you’re doing it off another reason, and usually, you’re gettin’ my sideblows as well. so i’ll believe that’s just the mirror thing.
And you dreamy, i thank you for telling me always, if i’m really puking stupid stuff. and also thank you for telling me, if i said something good. That’s the stuff i really need.. i want to know, when i’m wrong, but i don’t want to know it, if i was a stupido

I wrote so much, and i believe extremely less people will ever read it, especially not the ones, who should read it. now you say i should tell them? well, i already did. and it was just like “oh you’re overreacting.. our weirdo as always.. blah”… dammit we’ll see what happens.

i just really needed to puke that out sorry for anyone i bored with that, but in fact, you weren’t forced to read until here, but still. thanks

yours pfoff.